As you may know, I recently moved in with my partner. This was my first time living with a romantic partner. To complicate the issue, they don't consider themselves minimalist at all. So how do we reconcile this? I'll give you all my tips for a harmonious home that includes minimalists and non-minimalists.
- Planning
- Finances
- Resources
- Back to basics
1. Planning
Whether you already live with non-minimalists (NMs from here on out) or are expecting you will in the future, it's important to think ahead about what issues you may encounter. I think it's actually easier to transition to minimalism while you're already in a home with NMs, because you know what to expect. I have to admit that even though I spent lots of time with my partner and saw what their home was like before moving in, it was still jarring and somewhat cringe-y to watch their NM habits in action as part of their household.
By planning, I mean to think about yourself in various situations with the NM, such as food shopping, or if someone wants to bring a piece of furniture into the house. How will these items be handled? Can you come to an agreement about what you will do as a household, or will these things be handled separately to avoid disagreements?
Keep in mind I also moved into my partner's home, which not only was already completely furnished to their tastes but is also a place that they own, not rent. My partner has been very welcoming, but a lot of my furniture ended up in the second bedroom and/or garage while we figured out what to do. If you end up moving into a home already occupied by an NM like I did, I recommend discussing what will go where ahead of time. There should really be some compromise if things are important to you and require the NM to make space for them. It shouldn't be like you're a guest in someone else's home with your things in storage.
Ultimately, we will probably sell off or give away a lot of my furniture, except for what fits in the other bedroom. That will be my own little space for my crafts and working. Maybe later we will choose different furniture together, but it isn't really important right now.
2. Finances
Wait a minute, you say. How is it fair for me to get rid of everything I own and the NM keeps their stuff? Well obviously, I'm not getting rid of any of my crafting supplies or paintings. Anything that's important to me stays. But if you've read my budget bedroom or living room makeovers, you know that most of my furniture is either stuff that is from my childhood, second-hand, or free. I'm not really attached to any of it, and I even question why I chose some of the items from my childhood home in the first place. But hey, I was 12, so I guess my preferences changed.
My partner's furniture and decorations are not necessarily to my taste, but they were bought new just a few years ago when they bought their house, and at least it all matches and fits the space. So it makes more sense to hold on to it than to keep mine from a financial perspective as well.
The longer you are minimalist, the more likely you are to look at objects from a common-sense point of view and not from a place of emotions. If you're not there yet, you can always get a storage unit for things you don't have space for. But I'm betting that in time, you'll decide that your money can be best served elsewhere.
In regards to household in general, whether you choose to combine your money or keep it separate is a personal decision. However, it's a good time to advocate for more minimalist spending habits when you're having this discussion. Because you're living together, your financial future is at least a little bit tied to other people in your household. If they make risky decisions with money, then it may affect you, and vice-versa. Minimalist financial practices are good for everyone's bank accounts. Even if your housemates don't agree with every idea you have, it's in everyone's best interests to make choices that keep you all from becoming unhoused.
3. Resources
When talking to your current or future housemates about how you would like to integrate minimalism into your household, don't expect them to take your word for it. It helps to have inspirational stories from others. Here are a few, for your reference:
- My predecessor's story about how minimalism made her a better person
- Becoming Minimalist's article: Ten Ways Minimalism Will Improve Your Life
- Money Under 30's post about the financial benefits of minimalism
However, be prepared to compromise. This article from realtor.com has some thoughts about how to do that (although suggesting that the NM people in your life are "pack rats" seems like a bad start to the conversation).
4. Back to basics
It's entirely possible that all the planning, conversations, and compromise still don't result in your preferred home life. So what do you do then? Move out? End relationships? Feel like you're the one giving up everything?
If you're at your wits' end, it's important to remember that you started caring about these NMs for a reason. They are more than their stuff, just as you've discovered you are more than yours. Recall all the things that you like about them, and hold onto those thoughts when you get frustrated.
Also, remember that you got into minimalism so you could focus on what matters most. That's the people, not the things. That's time and freedom to do what you want, not so you can start a crusade (and arguments) to try to convert everyone to your way of thinking. Maybe this is a chance to work more on yourself. Spend time alone with enjoyable projects and reduce some of your stress.
Of course, if this person is just a roommate you met through Craiglist and they insist upon relentlessly trashing your home and the planet, running up debt, and having loud parties when you're trying to sleep, feel free to move out and run in the other direction as quickly as possible. 😁
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